Ablutionary sounds

There is great variance in the human threshold for what can be termed gross. And I am not talking squeamish here, such as those people who feel nauseous at the mere sight of a drop of blood, for instance, even though it is quite related. What I am talking about is the phenomena that will occur to at least some people as they read the contents of this post.

How often have you seen a girl pick out a piece of tissue paper from the depths of her bag, bring it up to her pretty red nose and blow away, to rid her nasal passage of mucus that is blocking the path of air to her lungs, and to avoid the snot from dribbling on to her upper lip, and to also perhaps not sniffle for the next couple of minutes? Often enough, I am sure, though not necessarily with the same thoughts in mind that I have just mentioned. Either way, does it seem like a 'gross' thing to happen? Have you ever seen it happening while you are in a restaurant or a cafeteria, eating duck confit or munching on a sandwich? And at that time, have you been grossed out by the poor girl suffering from common cold, enough to be put you off your meal? Why should the noise of someone blowing their nose at the sink in the bathroom gross out someone else sipping beer in the living room?

What about burping? Better still, breaking wind, or farting, as it is more commonly known? Things both that generate cries like "ewww! gross!!" and expressions that involve wrinkled noses (even if their is no smell whatsoever) and furrowed brows and mouths twisted in the most ridiculous shapes. Keep those gases in your stomach long enough, and poof! internal combustion, you explode from within. Well, not really explode, but all that gas pressure build up surely can't be good for your innards. Don't know about you, but I had rather fart any day. Anyone who says they never farted is either a liar or a freak of nature. And given a choice between lying or being a freak, I had rather let one rip any day.

These are perfectly natural sounds, like that of a cough or a sneeze or a gasp or a sigh or a moan or a groan or whatever else you want to think of. Every single person in the whole world makes them. Yes, girls fart and I don't know why some men like to harbour the stupid illusion that they don't. And yes, for the record, they stink too. A lot. And if you have a problem with the stink, thats quite alright to do. But if its with the fart itself, fuck man, get real.

I was ticked off down this track while reading about a gadget called Otohime, commonly found in women's toilets across Japan. Japanese women admitted to using the flush constantly while they were on the toilet, whether taking a piss or a dump, to avoid the embarrassment they would otherwise feel if anyone outside heard any of the sounds emanating from inside. Seems very strange to me how a cultural almost obsessed with its toilets has such a prudish attitude attached to the sounds that emerge from within, even if its limited to the women. Perhaps a new case for the feminists? Hahahaha! So anyway, this constant flushing was wasting a fuck load of water all over anime land, and enter the Sound Princess, English for Otohime. This device simulates the sound of a flush and thus effectively drowns out the ablutionary sounds that are the cause for these strange discomfort with our own bodily functions, hence saving a lot of water which was being used to flush away noise.

Why are people in so many parts of the world brought up to be ashamed of their bodies or its natural functions? The kind of things I have talked about is in the exact same vein as girls hitting puberty being told that menstruation is a shameful and bad thing. You hold that belief today and you will be called a moronic relic from the Dark Ages, and that is if they are being polite. And yet, how different are they to scoff at a fart here or a burp there? Why is spitting rude, unless does it as a mark of disrespect specifically? Why do I need to chew on my cud, so as to say, or even swallow it simply because your ideas of 'yucky' include too many things? Having said that, I can think of other things that some girls (to be fair, certain boys too) will happily swallow while others will get grossed out at the mere mention.

If you don't like the smell of something, be it shit or piss or saliva or ejaculate or whatever else, even some flower, maybe a rose, it is totally understandable that you have a problem with it. But even there, oh well, I wonder how many of you own pet dogs and I don't wonder what their breaths smell like, and I am sure you still love it when they slobber all over your face. Never mind the smell, its so cute! Yeah, sure, whatever, fuck you too. Still, if you have a problem with the smell, fine, I understand. But the sound? The sound of a fart... how can that be offensive to your senses, objectively? Its usually either a squeak or on a good day, like a bit of a drum roll, or on better days, like thunder. How can any of those sounds offend unless you have let yourself be conditioned to get grossed out by them? The worst farts anyway are those known as SBD's, or Silent But Deadly.

So go ahead, lighten up, have someone pull your finger and let one out. Make your day better by making someone else laugh. And if they get grossed out instead, your day got so much better! And of course, if you even remotely went "ewww" at any point while reading this, provided you got all the way to here, thanks for making my day a whole lot better! Here is a loud thundery one for good measure!

PPPHHKKDDDKKKPPPDDDHFFPPPKKKKKPPPKKKKKDDDDDD!!