Antisociality

Every now and then, I am affected by a largely inexplicable bout of the desire to be antisocial, or rather, to not be social. Given my usual gregarious nature, it takes me by somewhat of a surprise and I am compelled to search for a plausible reason for my behaviour that seems unusual to my self.

Tonight, for instance, my office is hosting its annual Christmas party at Pacha, a posh club that I wouldn't otherwise think about going to, on account of the ethereal priciness. This being an office party, free alcohol will flow freely all night. All I have to do is show up, head to the bar and drink my fill. But the more I think about getting out of bed, taking a shower or even just brushing my hair or whatever else, to look at least somewhat 'presentable', the more I think about why I should do it.

My office is not the worst place I have been in, and the people there are not bad per se. But that doesn't mean they are enchanting company. The few who I have managed to engage in a conversation that is not about work, well, it is usually only a matter of time when they go white or red in the face at something I would say, and then remember some urgent piece of work that needs immediate attention. Or they would laugh, merely to hide their acute discomfort at some opinion I voiced, and they would throw in a few muttered words, something like "wow, isn't that harsh?" or "we will agree to disagree." The few times I have been drinking with office folks, the conversation (usually depending on who is talking) ventures in the never-tired direction of office gossip, bitching about bosses and colleagues, etc OR in to these gaps of awkward silences that follow right after something I said, which in turn will be broken by an "OOOOOOKAAAAAY" and then some random chatter in the aforementioned direction.

So, why then should I go for this thing tonight? Is free alcohol reason enough? When I was a 'poor' college student (sometimes I truly wonder how I got by those days...), I would probably show up for anything that associated with the word 'free'. Well, not anything... but all the same, I did do a few random things for freebies. When I was interning with a newspaper, I would volunteer to cover press conferences even if it meant a couple of hours of travel. While other interns clamoured to get stories published with their by-lines, I was piling my plate with the free food at the end of the conference. If I got a by-line, well, that was a bonus.

So anyway, I can buy my food now, all I can eat and even some to waste if I like. Same goes for alcohol. The word 'free' in general has lost its importance, when pitted against the hassle involved in obtaining whatever the freebie is. The hassle could be physical, mental, whatever, its just not worth it.

There are two other social engagements I could involve myself in tonight, and both of those are with friends. But I am quite disinclined to do that as well. My reasoning? If I have to meet my friends, eventually to get drunk, I might as well do that without spending any money at my office party. Talk about contradictions!

So this is what I figured... the combination of doing the same things with the same people is what is putting me off doing those things with those people, even if I in fact don't mind either indulging in those things or the company of those people. (There is ONE exception to that rule, a very special case, involving carnal pleasures with one specific girl that I will never tire of.) Much as I don't like long periods of 'alone-time', I had rather be by myself tonight. Suddenly, household chores seem so much more appealing! Or maybe I will write some more...