For someone who repeatedly and enthusiastically portrays the pursuit of happiness as the most important and perhaps the only purpose of life, almost to the point of libertarianism, I sure as hell am far from my lone self-appointed goal at the moment.
An account of personal sorrows and woes is, at best, useless gossip material, and hence will be excluded. Suffice to say that I have never before found myself in this extraordinary melting pot of so many different kinds of shit thrown together. Timing, like with most things, has a huge role to play here too. The sublimity and the profound depth of this bout of sadness has done one good thing though: it has given me a renewed will to pursue my goal, even if at a cost higher than I was previously willing to afford.
What was highly amusing though, is that two people who know me better than all else, and who hardly know each other, had something scarily similar to say about my woeful countenance. They both observed that it is in my very nature to be unhappy, and I have been that way for a few years now. Hera (she is still Hera, though my Zeus license has been revoked now) said that I keep finding something or the other to be unhappy about, and my father opined there is nothing that makes me happy for more than the blink of an eye.
Do they know more about me than I know about myself? Am I deluding myself by this rhetoric of the pursuit of happiness, when it is actually the blues I relentlessly chase? Have I been hypocritical all this time in dispensing random advice to friends? Is happiness truly the chief purpose of my life? Troubling questions all, but none of them would have arisen if it weren't for my present state of mind. So work on state of mind and the questions go away. Beautiful inversion of logical progress from A to B.
Either way, at least I still get amused easily. A sign on a traffic post here in Bangalore tells you happily: All jams are good for health except traffic jams.
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4 comments:
well i dont agree , whatever little I know of you, you aren't bogged down by situations easily so if you are unhappy right now things really are not going your way. i also dont think people should generally look for things to be happy about..lost my job lost my wife lost my car ohh but i still have my dog .. i mean you need to strike balance and prioritize.. you can be content and all that but that’s not progress.
still have my dog?! hahahaha! but yes, i know what you mean. i ain't exactly bogged down, its more like i have chained myself down to my current spot in the sun, much as i may mind the heat. maybe i will see out the summer, maybe i won't. either way, i never was a fan of progress.
it's the skepticism thing. one ends up tearing so much down, rebuilding so much up, bringing it down, demolishing and grinding it into a non-existent pulp, only to paint it back colorfully, that along the way it's easy to loose out on the simple pleasures, the contentment that comes with allowing oneself to be happy with nothing.
it's all in the mind. no shit. stop fighting yourself, and stop having dreams of grandeur. accept the grandeur of the insignificant. then the significant looses meaning as such, and becomes what it is and was all along without all the poo-poo projected upon it. as long as you see it for what you want to see, you won't ever be satisfied. and don't call everything into question all over again because you're having a blue period. that's my prerogative, not yours, so go get your own mental illness.
mediocrity... it can be dressed up in fancy clothes... or be made to sound like the best way to be... but we are all free to have our own takes on the matter. i rarely call "everything" in to question, but once in a while, it is a good thing to do, even as a mental exercise, if nothing else. and lose out on simple pleasures? i don't see what gave you the idea of me being guilty on that count. and trust me man, i have little desire to compete for anything ever, let alone for mental illnesses... my self-destructive streak serves me well enough!
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