Who would have thought there would be a day when I would actually and seriously and soberly and pleadingly ask someone to marry me? Surely no one sensible who knows me. And yet, the day came. I popped the question and it flew straight to Hera. And when the answer didn't come quite flying back, I knew it by its absence. I had been denied my chance - my chance for many things - instead I was told that I had created this chance too late, and that the question should have flown by earlier. And I have to be content with the taste of shit in my mouth.
So what all chances did I lose? The chance to love for ever; the chance to hold her ever again; the chance to hear the melody of her voice say my name dripping with love; the chance to redeem myself in my own eyes and her's; the chance to heal both her and me; the chance to become myself once again; the chance to make her her again; the chance to change the course of this miserable planet; the chance at assured happiness in life; I think this list is endless, so I will zip it.
I was willing to sacrifice a lot, and I made my pitches as I sensed the delay in the expected answer. Aye, they certainly didn't fall on deaf ears, but she stood her ground. She had her reasons too and it doesn't matter whether they are good reasons or bad reasons so long as they are reasons. To each their own obviously.
So now, what next? I had planned a lot based on this, even though I half-expected her to say no. Hera, o my Venus, tempting as it may be, I cannot blame you. And despite everything, my love for you flows unabated, unrestrained. I can't get rid of this queasy feeling, like the bobbing head of a chicken that has just been made headless. And yet, I can't stop loving you.
Now it is but a matter of time before my life takes a drastic turn. I can't yet say if it will be for the better or worse, and that is something time will show me. For my part, since I have lost so many chances, I think I will leave the rest to chance.
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21 comments:
Timing is always of essence. Guess that's what really decides the course of lives. Which is why you have so many film stars all praises for it. I was once a firm believer of "going with the flow" but now I realise it is important to know ones destination....or at least have one in mind.....i hope you map a happy course
hmmm... thanks for the wishes.
going with the tide is good but you need get off it before it turns against you and catch another one. Amen
I agree each tide may not give you the same high but that's life. At least it keeps you moving forward.
Hahaaha! The last guy has a point there.
shantanu, et tu brutus? anyway, life is not like rowing, so it is difficult to predict the flow of tides. and tides don't always carry you forward... either way, i was not going with the tide here, i was trying to make my own path through the waves. and now, i am certain i will do it, even though the path itself may be different.
and anonymous #2, try making a point of your own the next time!
"so it is difficult to predict the flow of tides" - so you saying you couldn't see it coming.
" tides don't always carry you forward" - I ment forward as in life in perpetual motion.
"i am certain i will do it, even though the path itself may be different" - we like it aha aha we give it to them aha aha they like it aha aha buck-up Mahadji.. i am not sure if i got that right.
"and anonymous #2, try making a point of your own the next time!" -- yeah
yep, i am saying i didnt see it coming the way it did. maybe i should have seein it... but its suddenness hit me like a big brick in the face. anyway, what had to happen has come and gone.
shantanu, et tu brutus? - what the fuck, what i said was more of an advice to you.
get the joke dude... and it took you a while to react to that! almost like you overlooked it the first time.
yeah it took me a while to digest it.
you should have some hajmola!!
"Hahaaha!" - that was a point!
I will give you a shot of niceness: whatever ocean you find yourself on or "drowning" in, for that matter, just don't decide to give up and die, now your hopes and dreams have been shattered, thunder and storms leave way for clear skies.
Shantanu made another good point: "moving forward, as in life, in perpetual motion." Ponder on that Author (Zeus?!)...
Sorry I almost pissed myself laughing there!
i don't remember talking about drowning in any ocean, let alone giving up and dying. and whether you jump tides or not, the motion of time is enough to move things forward, in the conventional meaning of the word which is being used here.
almost pissed yourself? i hope you almost cleaned up too! :P
Yeh sab kya ho raha hai...mahadji jeewaji..jayaji ko bhi bataoji???
kyan bataaein... jo hai, likh diya hai already. aur tumse toh ABC bhi ho chuki hai ab tak is baare mein. at least we "concur"!
you asked her to MARRY YOU??????????????????????? :O
hahahaha, yes. and of all the people who have been surprised to know this, i think she was surprised the most! :p
you friggin idiot. wtf did you expect her to say? yes, my darling, you that i have not been with for X time, i will gladly waltz into your arms and we will sail away merrily after?
still, nice to see 'god' taking a battering here and there.
no seriously, get a life first, then everything will take shape. you can't call a wildcard into play simply because its potential exists. yes yes, complex existence here and there, perpetual change in motion and all that. great. but first go back to the beginning, rebuild, accept what is what, get organised, get into shape, focus, get motivated, lame as it, hungry with desire, and then observe. it'll come back to you, as horses always find their owners, but only if their owners gave them reason.
and there is reason, you just don't have a focus yet. don't worry about tomorrow, get a grip on today.
its infinitely more complicated than i care to explain. but still, i can hardly disagree with most of what you say, considered the perspective of the battered 'god'. reasons, or even focus, may be quite insufficient to fill up this hole i had fallen in... but thats ok, i suppose if i focus simply on getting out of this one, i may find the chance to dig another hole somewhere! :p
gods dont die, Zeus. that's part of the point, theyre just masks for things which are constant and flowing, and though they might be dissipated for a moment, they reform..and I am sure the heavens will run red with blood when Zeus returns to the heavens. and Gods especially dont die because of women, even celestial ones, they take some time out and wander the earth spawning heroes and then fucking with them for their own twisted pleasure.
obviously, thats neither here nor there. there is really nothing which can be said when you turn over a card and it turns out to be a be a joker instead of an ace. However, it is a brave and honorable thing to decide not to live with the chance that things which seem real are illusions and to go out and meet these things to make sure that they are real, and not illusions.
there is much to be said for casting yourself off the cliff, and playing the hand, and remembering that its only a game, no matter how much you have invested. and now that you are swimming the seas of fate, while there is lust for life, nothing can truly be destroyed.
those are pretty wise words, for the most part, anonymous. but you see, i have my own issues too. the heaves running red... i know i am capable but don't know if i want so much blood to flow. i have never had a lust for life itself, merely a lust for living it up, which are actually quite different things. and so on... but sure, the idea of wandering and spawning sounds like a wonderful one, since i did always talk about wanting to sow my wild oats!
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