Trafficking My Way Around

Hockey is our national sport, but you know what the national sport should be? No, not cricket, that’s not even a sport. It should be jaywalking. There is nothing wrong with it per se, so long as they tweak the laws a little in favour of the drivers. I mean, no one should stop you from taking the leap, but it’s your responsibility to look before you do. And if you don’t look, you only have yourself to blame. Just because I am the one driving does not mean that it was my fault that you got run over, and have to now spend the rest of your life eating and shitting through inter-changeable tubes. If you plan to jaywalk AND are stupid about it, you ought to be vegetative. One less moron walking this earth, literally.

But there is the one thing about jaywalkers that really gets my goat. There I am, sitting behind the wheel, doing 60 and out pops a jaywalker. Alright, now that you are here, and since I am no mood for sodomy behind bars (or even otherwise, for that matter), I will slow down and let you go. But what is with that upraised hand? How the hell do you think a car works? You raise your hand and it comes to a standstill in a second? Who the hell do you think you are, Darth fucking Vader?

The bulk of my rage on the road, however, little as I may express it, is reserved for those morons on two-wheelers who think that just because their vehicle is smaller than a car, it can squeeze through the butt-hole of an ant. You have delusions of being Valentino Rossi, that's fine, but he doesn't race on a choc-a-bloc road, does he? You don't care about rules for overtaking, that's fine too, I don't follow them always either. But must you overtake me from the right, wanting to turn left, when I am already turning right myself?

Even as far as humans go, it is terribly stupid of them to go so far to shun their survival instincts and putting their faith either in my supposed humanity or the fear of the law. Once I nudged that stupid bastard a little with the car, sure enough, fear rose faster than anger and he became even stupider and fled from the scene speeding like a bat out of hell. I hope he at least has a bruise on his leg from the impact though. Otherwise, that nudge would be such a waste.